Sandy

I braved the beginning of Hurricane Sandy by going for blood work. My beta went up but my progesterone went down. I was very worried about that. I bought a lot of gas for the generator and supplies. When all said and done I have no money left in my bank account. The storm was kind to me and my family. We didn't loose power and the tree in the back of the house is strong as ever. The city I work in didn't fair to well. Atlantic City was devastated!!! Flooded and sand in the street and homes. The casinos were evacuated by 4pm Sun. I was still on vacation so I didn't get any work that week. It is now Halloween and the casino is still closed. The casinos are closed until further notice. I have no money coming in no money to pay bills no money for food and no money to go to the Dr. I will have to put some of it on my credit card and apply for unemployment and hope I get some money in soon. I have never been late on my mortgage before. These things are all small compared to the may people that have no homes left. I am just feeling sorry for myself I am happy I am pregnant and that my family are safe. My heart goes out to all the people devastated in the wake of Hurricane Sandy!!!

Prague Fertility Centre

I am here to tell you I went to Prague. It is the most amazing place in the world. I enjoyed exploring the city. I went there to do egg donor IVF. The day of my transfer wasn't the best day of my life that I wanted it to be. I got woken up at 3am with my sick sister puking her guts up. The room smelled disgusting. She insisted on going with me to the clinic sick and all. Everyone there was like wrinkled nosed when she started coughing. I insisted she wait outside no going in with me. I didn't want to get all the other patients sick as well. They were nice and gave her a script to get some meds at pharmacy. Everything went great with the transfer I have 2 good quality 3 day embryos in me. I was supposed to go to Krakow Poland 3 days after the transfer. We didn't go instead we re booked a flight home so she can go to the dr. On day 2 after transfer I went to breakfast and was very nauseous. I took it as a good sign. I flew home on day 4 and slept all day 5. I was crampy on day 6 so I took a wandaflo pee stick. It was a squinter and wasn't sure if it was a real pos because it took so long to show up. I took another one before bed and it did the same thing. On day 7 I took a digital test and it came up Pregnant!!!!

I panicked and called my local RE to get a hormone check. I did that and my beta was 53. YAY I am pregnant but my progesterone is very low it was 3. I am still panicked about this because I need the levels to be high enough to keep this going. I went back in 2 days beta was 123 and pro was 5.6 still low but up from 3. I went back in on Sat my beta was 275 and pro 4.5 it went down instead of up. I asked the local RE what to do and he was like tell your Prague Dr all I will do is check your blood. I am devastated he is not going to help me. I emailed the Dr in Prague and she is out of the office due to illness!!! My sister got everyone sick!!!!! I go back in on Wed to see if my beta goes up. I hope the clinic in Prague gets back to me with an answer as to what to do about my pro levels. Here is my favorite picture from my trip

Why am I not excited

When I started this journey I was so upbeat and happy. All I could think about is when my surrogate gets pregnant how happy I would be. Then after 4 disappointments I kept positive and moved on. I decided to try with my last 2 donated embryos in me and was so excited when my body was working. The day of my transfer they didn't make the thaw. A piece of my heart was gone but I decided to try with my own eggs and endear painful needles in my arms and then my belly. That didn't work and I decided to try different shots and that didn't work. When I got the news that my egg were gone another chunk of my heart was taken away form me. I decided to try egg donation in Prague I am going through the motions taking the pills and booking the flights and paying half of my life saving going there. But I don't ave that same spark or drive that I always pushes me to try till I get what I want. I act happy and planning everything for the 2 weeks I am there but I'm afraid to loose another chunk of my heart. My mom keeps saying you lost that excitement in your eyes. I have and I want it back!!!

Mock Cycle

I am going to document everything to keep track of everything for my trip to Prague. I was on progesterone for 7 days starting 7-11/7-18. Today I am crampy and a little af coming. So tomorrow is cd1. I am supposed to start estradiol 4 times a day on day 2. I haven't told my RE here about starting the meds on day 2 yet because I made an appointment for blood work and ultra sound on Mon. I just hope is supportive of my decision to go to Prague.

Onward and Upward

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I needed some time to mourn the loss of my eggs. I knew it was a crap shoot to try with my own eggs but is still hurt when I was told over the phone that I have no eggs left. I have cried more the last month than I have in years. I think I'm fine then something happens or someone says something and the water works start all over again. I have been looking into what next do I want to do egg donation? I don't have $25-35k to do this. Do I want to do shared donor program? I would be matched with another person to share a donors eggs. The eggs will be devided between us and the person that was on the list will get the odd number of eggs. If the egg donor doesn't produce more than 10 eggs then the primary person gets ALL the eggs and the secondary is out the money and has to start all over again. That cost $12k plus your own transfer and meds. Or do I want to go to Prague Czech Republic and do egg and sperm donor cycle. That costs 6600 eu or 8000 usd total. I have to pay for air, hotel, and food. I figured everything out to be about $10k usd. I would have to corrdinate my cycle with a person across the world and have my RE here monitor me then fly there before the transfer. I have been thinking out all the options for the last month. The egg donation is out because I don't have enough money for that. The shared donor I can just do it but the thought if there isn't enough eggs I would have to start all over again but I wouldn't be able to because part of my money is already gone and I have only so much to do this. Going to Prague is scary but exciting at the same time. I would be able to go more than once if I need to. I would have enough to go there 3 times I am realistic with my track record I know I will probably have to go more than once. I started with $9k to do this but I got a credit union loan for $10k that brings me a total of $19k. I never thought I would ever go out of the country in my lifetime. It is so close to Austria and Poland. I would love to go on excursions to see the world and get pregnant while there. I have been going back and forth between shared cycle here or Prague. I decided to take the leap and go to Prague.
I will be bringing my sister with me. She can carry my bags on the way home because I can't lift more than 5lbs. She will be there for me so I don't have to travel by myself. Her only stipulation is we have to go to Auschwitz camp on one of our excursions. I am so excited right now. I will be going to Prague in Oct. Here is the website to the clinic if anyone wants it: http://www.pragueivf.com/en/home/

He Gave Up

My RE gave up on me after only a week on menopur. He ran a AMH test and it was very low. So the that means I should give up on using my own eggs and go to egg donor. He knows I don't have enough money to afford an egg donor. I have been crying ever since. I calmed down and told a few friends and one told me about an RE in MO that charges lower fees for ivf. It clicked I already talked to him last year when I was trying to decide what to do with my last 2 embryos. He couldn't help me but said to contact him if I needed anything else. So I emailed him last night and he replied this morning. I asked about egg donation but now that I am questioning my own eggs I emailed him back. I am waiting to hear from him if he will take my case.

It's over

I went through all that pain for nothing. It didn't work!!! I knew it wasn't working and it still hurt when I went in for the u/s and saw nothing. I wanted it to work so bad. I had a meeting with my RE in NJ and we decided to start me on Menopur. I had my first shot yesterday. I video taped it for youtube.lol I want to document my journey so that other girls with KS can see it can work if one doesn't then another will. To never give up on your dreams. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2yl1hhuX34&feature=g-upl